In some circumstances your vet may suggest that you should consider having your pet "put to sleep" (euthanased) such as if your pet has a terminal illness from which he cannot recover or if he has intractable pain. This will enable your cat to die in peace with dignity and without further suffering. It can be a very hard decision to make but it is one of the kindest things that an owner can do for a suffering pet.

What happens when a pet is "put to sleep"?

The vet, with the assistance of a veterinary nurse, gives your pet an intravenous injection of a lethal dose of barbiturates (a strong anaesthetic) usually into a front leg. Sometimes the injection is made into a kidney or the liver. The pet loses consciousness within a few seconds and often gives a last gasp just before it dies. This is a very controlled and painless method of euthanasia. For very nervous pets it is sometimes necessary to give a sedative to calm them prior to euthanasia.

Is it usual for the owner to stay with their cat when it is "put to sleep"?

Most vets accept that owners wish to remain with their pet. Sometimes owners get very distressed and this is communicated to the pet and in this instance it may be preferable for the pet to be left with the vet and his nurse. If the owners wish, they can see the remains after the injection has been given but many people prefer their last memory to be of their pet alive.

The decision whether or not to stay with the pet is a very personal decision which should preferably be made in advance to avoid further distress.

Sometimes the decision to euthanase the pet is made after the pet has been anaesthetised for a diagnostic procedure, for example, an exploratory operation. Under these circumstances it is most humane to put the pet to sleep while it is still under the anaesthetic, rather than subjecting it to the discomfort of recovering from surgery prior to euthanasia.

Can I have my pet put to sleep at home or is it better to take him to the surgery?

If your vet offers home visits then he may be willing to put your pet to sleep at home. This can be expensive because you have to pay for the vet's and his nurses time for the period they are away from the surgery. It is not always practical for both the vet and his nurse to come and some vets no longer offer home visits except in cases of emergency. At the surgery skilled assistance and equipment is readily available. It is usually possible to arrange an appointment at the surgery at a quiet time to avoid undue distress to both pet and owner.

What can I do with my pet's remains?

There are four possible choices:-

• home burial

• incineration - this is the most common means of disposal through a veterinary practice

• individual cremation with return of the pet's ashes - your vet can usually arrange this and advise about the likely cost (typically $300-400).

• burial in a pet cemetery - your vet can suggest who to contact to arrange this. It can be quite expensive.

Grieving for your pet

It is very natural to feel upset and emotional when your pet dies. Don't be afraid to show your feelings in front of the vet. He/she will understand. It will take time to get over your loss, usually 2-3 months. It often helps to talk about your pet's death. It is quite normal to feel angry, this is part of the process of coming to terms with your loss. Try not to feel guilty or blame yourself or your vet for your pet's death. Remember that you cared for your pet and did all you could when it was ill. Vet's cannot always save a pet's life. Treasure your memories. Remember the good times and what you loved most about your pet.

If you feel you have no-one to talk to about your loss you can contact a grief counselling service. Bereavement Councelling for Pet Owners - David Foote B.V.Sc B.Mus, www.davidfoote.com.au mob 0425 281 424

Helping children to cope

The death of a pet is often a child's first experience of death. Tell them the truth. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and tell them how you feel. Help them to understand that they are not to blame. Talk to them about your pet and concentrate on the good times. Don't get a new pet too soon. Your child will need time to get over the death of the old pet.

GRIEF MANAGEMENT IN CHILDREN

The death of a cherished pet creates a sense of loss for adults and produces a predictable chain of emotions. The stages of grief are typically denial, sadness, depression, guilt, anger, and, finally, relief (or recovery). However, the effects on children vary widely depending upon the child's age and maturity level. The basis for their reaction is their ability to understand death.

Two and Three Year Olds

Children who are two or three years old typically have no understanding of death. They often consider it a form of sleep. They should be told that their pet has died and

will not return. Common reactions to this include temporary loss of speech and generalised distress. The two or three year old should be reassured that the pet's failure to return is unrelated to anything the child may have said or done. Typically, a child in this age range will readily accept another pet in place of the dead one.

Four, Five, and Six Year Olds

Children in this age range have some understanding of death but in a way that relates to a continued existence. The pet may be considered to be living underground while continuing to eat, breathe, and play. Alternatively, it may be considered asleep. A return to life may be expected if the child views death as temporary. These children often feel that any anger they had for the pet may be responsible for its death. This view should be refuted because they may also translate this belief to the death of family members in the past. Some children also see death as contagious and begin to fear that their own death (or that of others) is imminent. They should be reassured that their death is not likely. Manifestations of grief often take the form of disturbances in bladder and bowel control, eating, and sleeping. This is best managed by parent-child discussions that allow the child to express feelings and concerns. Several brief discussions are generally more productive than one or two prolonged sessions.

Seven, Eight, and Nine Year Olds

The irreversibility of death becomes real to these children. They usually do not personalise death, thinking it cannot happen to themselves. However, some children may develop concerns about death of their parents. They may become very curious about death and its implications. Parents should be ready to respond frankly and honestly to questions that may arise. Several manifestations of grief may occur in these children, including the development of school problems, learning problems, antisocial attentiveness, or clinging may be seen. Based on grief reactions to loss of parents or siblings, it is likely that the symptoms may not occur immediately but several weeks or months later.

Ten and Eleven Year Olds

Children in this age range generally understand death as natural, inevitable, and universal. Consequently, these children often react to death in a manner very similar to adults.

Adolescents

Although this age group also reacts similarly to adults, many adolescents may exhibit various forms of denial. This usually takes the form of a lack of emotional display. Consequently, these young people may be experiencing sincere grief without any outward manifestations.

Euthanasia

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